The goats are once again attacking and terrorizing the entire island of San Angora. Does it deserve your second-time attention, or is it an unnecessary sequel to the already rather dubious original game?
Goat Simulator has 3 numbers in its name, but don’t be fooled. It is a continuation of the latter. In short, the creators decided to skip the second part and go straight to the third part. This is a joke that will tell you what awaits us in today’s reviewed game. Because Goat Simulator is not a realistic depiction of the lives of these noble ruminants. Gaming is mainly about unbridled fun, when almost anything is allowed. But let’s not get over ourselves.
In the beginning, the player takes on the role of an ordinary goat that an old farmer brings to his farm in a battered pickup truck. But when you arrive at the designated place, you will realize that this is not just any farm. In your enclosure you will discover a mysterious medieval tower that will transport you through a portal to the interior of a kind of castle. Here a mysterious door awaits you, which you will gradually unlock so that you can access more and more parts of this ancient residence. Because of this, the game has a kind of single-player action, but there is almost no story to talk about. In fact, it’s about unlocking more and more game options and areas to explore.
The points you need to progress can be obtained in several ways. First of all, it’s about completing missions that the game map is full of. Their contents are quite diverse. For example, appease an angry retiree who is terrorizing those around him is about detonating a nuclear bomb, setting off a tornado, sacrificing straw scarecrows to the devil, or winning a presidential election. Yes, even a goat can become president, which is not such a bad idea considering current political events. Mostly it’s about understanding what the writers are asking of you, while they are simple games that will take you a few minutes at most to complete.
“Yes, even a goat could be president, which is not such a bad idea given current political events.”
Additional points or game currency can be obtained by playing various dog (or goat) tricks or using non-traditional game items. These are, for example, various acrobatic tricks and jumps, or, for example, with which you can fish passers-by, steal cars, etc.
Changing your goat plays a very important role here. Some modifications are purely aesthetic. Thus, you can change the color of your game character’s coat, adjust the size of his horns or dress him in suitable clothes. Of course there are various hats or boots. But more interesting are the devices or tools your goat can use to interact with the environment. For example, you can find rocket shoes with which you can jump farther and higher, or a horn with which you can gracefully sail through the sky. You can use some kind of rocket or balloon launcher to shoot. Here you can really find everything possible, the creators apparently adhered to the motto: the weirder the better.
The number of gradually unlocked modifications is endless and everyone adapts the goat to their own playstyle or aesthetics. You can even change the animal you play with. A goat can suddenly turn into a pig or even a shark.
The game world is quite large. The island is full of adventures and corners to explore. Of course, there are also secret collections or secret places with other missions. You can also have fun walking around the countryside, where you will find something for your goat to play with at almost every step. You can destroy and loot the poor and innocent inhabitants of this island, terrorize them, poke them with horns or lick them with your tongue.
Language is an overall pretty important game element here. In this way, you can manipulate objects or people. Oil spilled on the roads can cause problems for passers-by. At the same time, oil can ignite, turning the streets into a fiery hell. Imagination has no limits.
Various references to other games are also welcome, such as Counter-Strike or special stealth levels that replicate the classic Wolfenstein. You’ll also enjoy the allusions to Fallout or the Handmaid’s Tale franchise.
Unfortunately, the world as a whole feels pretty stagnant and dead. There are people walking everywhere, but there is absolutely no artificial intelligence to talk about here. Most of the time they will let your goat like everything and they are just there for you to enjoy. For example, they don’t mind if you set them on fire or drag them to who knows where with your tongue. Sometimes they can kick you, but that’s their only reaction to your antics. I certainly didn’t get the impression that this was a living, breathing world.
“It’s quite difficult to assess what a mistake is in the game and what the author’s intentions were.”
Technical processing is a division in itself. It’s pretty hard to judge what’s wrong with the play and what the author’s intentions were. Various carroms will likely be a part of the game when your goat takes off at frantic speed after a minor car collision. It’s worse to get stuck on objects or fly somewhere outside the playground. Passing through walls is also a matter of course. Ideal when you don’t need it at all. Fortunately, you can always respawn at the nearest transit point. Still, these are annoying errors.
The graphics look rather lifeless even at the highest details. The game runs on the Unreal engine, but it’s hard to tell. Don’t look for anything like elaborate facial expressions or mouths here. The animations of the characters and animals are also quite delayed. Even the sound system is not good. Your goat may squeak, people will say something from time to time, but mostly it’s the same thing over and over and that’s it.
Poor technical design wouldn’t be so important if the game was really fun and didn’t catch and release the player. However, this is not the case. Playing with the goat is fun at first, but gets boring very quickly. While the game content is quite diverse, there’s a greater lack of motivation to play than unlocking new upgrades and areas. So the excitement for the new will certainly not last long. As a funny farce for an afternoon or two, the game reliably entertains and at a reasonable price (29 EUR), it’s not a complete waste of money. If you are already tired of sophisticated action games and are looking for relaxation where you can turn off your brain and laugh at the bleating of a goat, then Goat Simulator 3 is the perfect choice for you.
A fun game full of creative imagination and cute goats. Unfortunately it gets tired very quickly and the poor technical state of the game makes the experience unpleasant. As a break of a few hours, the game will reliably entertain you, but unfortunately no one can expect more from it.
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I have a real passion for gaming and have been writing about it for many years. I’m lucky enough to be able to combine my two loves by writing about gaming news for our website. I hope to continue doing this for many years to come!